Have been hanging out chilling with eugene, oppa and shah recently..talking to them, chatting with them especially eugene because he just broke off with jen.

He was telling me that I did mention about giving up on martin before but why am i not giving up and still so depress about it. Yes I did mention I wanted to give up on martin, but that is just talk, my heart tells me that I just cant leave him. CANT,UNABLE,NOT CAPABLE. He is not handsome, not rich, not sensitive, no high education but i just love him. I cannot explain why but just love him.
i have been repeatedly reading this :

5:53 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: i got plan to settle down with this gf of mine 1
5:53 AM - WELOVETROLLS - HITER?: i must secure it
5:53 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: but hard to do so
5:53 AM - WELOVETROLLS - HITER?: lol
5:53 AM - WELOVETROLLS - HITER?: so fast
5:53 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: if cannot afford the basic needs in life
5:53 AM - WELOVETROLLS - HITER?: wan to settle down laio
5:53 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: i mean
5:53 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: she's worth it la
5:53 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: but on current terms
5:53 AM - WELOVETROLLS - HITER?: already reach the maturity age liao
5:53 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: i look at myself
5:53 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: struggle sia
5:53 AM - WELOVETROLLS - HITER?: of mai hiam
5:53 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: siao
5:53 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: u think i simon meh
5:53 AM - WELOVETROLLS - HITER?: lol
5:53 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: must haf supermodel gf
5:53 AM - WELOVETROLLS - HITER?: i also mai hiam
5:53 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: wife material more important than others sia
5:54 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: its somebody u wanna grow old with leh
5:54 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: not to fuck and enjoy.
5:54 AM - WELOVETROLLS - HITER?: no moeny buy flat
5:54 AM - WELOVETROLLS - HITER?: cry man
5:54 AM - WELOVEPACHIUCHENG- HHTYPER.: marriage is a lifetiem commitment

This never leave my mind before.
I so much wanted to be his wife, to take care of his everything, to work hard tgt with him. Everyday sell bcm, lead a simple life. I dont need big houses, big cars. I just need someone who i can spend my whole life with. Struggle? I wont allow him to struggle, even if struggle, i will struggle with him. He just started his career and i really hope i can be the one who went through all the shit with him, but perhaps im not the one he looking for. idk. im confused.

i really miss the "us" 3 weeks ago when we just patched. we were fucking sweet.