Well, talked to many people and I realized alot of things.

I cheated. I cheated myself. I appear to be strong but im not. Yes I do love Martin. Why? Idk. Ask me 1 million times I also don't know why the hell I love him. Out there are people with good standards but I didn't accept them. Perhaps I'm just too fast adapting to his life,his environment.

Yes, definitely he is not going to find someone better than me. Just like I cannot find someone like Ben,affan,Zhiyuan who really make me feel loved deeply by them. But idk how to appreciate them just like Martin don't know how to appreciate me..

Refused to face the fact, but I have to. I know. His poker face. What is the real
him I will never know. This is tiring because he don't wanna open his heart to me. No point forcing people. Totally no point.

But I'm glad. Glad that there are people out there appreciated what I have done before. Super touching. Thanks guys. Really. It meant alot when someone tell you that you are great. Hehe.

Perhaps one day he will realize my good. Yup. Good luck. Move on edyna!