Hmm, just came back.

feel kinda bad about what happened just now. My dad called. but i told my dad i was out with friend. this word "friend" affected tintin i guess. but i really mean wad i told tintin. i usually try to avoid telling my dad "boyfriend" because he will spam call me and really quite irritating. moreover, i dont wan him to have bad impression of tintin.

i hope that tintin really do understand this. all i want is to spend alot of time with him with the absence of my parents misunderstanding or have bad impression of him. i know it is not possible to spend all day all night with him. hence all i can do is to spend as much as i can afford and squeeze out for him. (: just feel so right when he is beside me. <3

sunday chester suddenly called.
oh yes. chester. the bastard. the gemini bastard.

i never ever expect that he will call me one day..but surprisingly he has the cheek to call me.
as usual, he pretend as if nth happen and asked me what am I doing...i was like WTF (rolling eye)?!
i didnt wanna be that hostile but he really underestimated me, seriously.

I cannot imagine there is someone like him...he has the cheek to ask me why am i avoiding him, doesnt he treat me good and how can i get attached so fast. OH PLS. he is asking the obvious. someone who doesnt deserve me to love, whom i think i will never have a future with him, i can easily give up and move on. he didnt treat me good in the first place and i told him several times that there are people out there wooing me and i could have leave him easily if i wanted to. did he listen to that? nope. he doesnt care. he thought that i will be always by his side,following him around, waiting for him to contact me and he remain contactless..etc.

I am sorry. I cannot feel the love he claimed he did. All he need is just someone who is wife-material and accompany him when he is free. who to blame now? blame himself for not treasuring me and taking me for granted.

Most importantly, I have my tintin by my side. he is definitely infinite times better than him. tintin is someone who i feel that he is the one. sometimes i guess communication and trust is the most important element in a relationship. He gave me sense of security by constantly contacting me, letting me know about his family and friends.. As for communication, i seriously think our frequency is totally the same! <3 although tintin is very ego and stubborn, but i guess i can try to put down my pride at times (:

Anyway, back to the bastard. I cannot imagine he still can pretend nth happen before. whats wrong with him?gonna be 30 soon still so immature. cannot tahan. zzz.

Yup, just watch this show with tintin <3

this show is really nice.
i cant deny, it brought up memories. it is not the sec sch time, is poly time.
i really thank zhu for woo-ing me during my whole poly period. No matter how many bfs i have changed, he is always there for me. I am seriously touched about it. Overnight phonechats, marking my attendance, using toe to type sorry, changing lyrics and sing for me, drawing pigs on his notes...etc There are really alot of memories. Really thanked zhu for the three years, really.

After watching this show, i also learned something. Just like the show, both of them love each other but because of a quarrel, stop contacting each other. In the end, yes the girl married another guy. But deep inside the heart, the memories are still there, the regret will be hidden deep in too.
Thats why I am glad. I am glad that me and tintin got over it. We braved a storm, and we will be stronger. (:

just ended a phonechat with him
<3

i love talking on phone. i love talking on phone with him. it just feels great.
and i know he keep himself awake to talk to me.
i know he is tired after whole day working.
(: really thanks for the chat. makes me smile and keeps me going.

alright. now im thinking of xmas gift!!
my very very first non-black xmas can! although he will be working. but end of the day, he will be by my side <3 yay! happy ttm!

thanks tintin chua.

we got back. <3

yes im happy about it - we braved a storm.
and i really hope that we stop being angry birds.

he had been busy this week. well, that means to say less time to text me all those.
i couldnt blame him you see. i rather he work hard than to slack and text me all the while.
he woke up at 11 and worked till 9 now. i hope he keep it this way.
although it is quite bothering to see him being online (due to groupchat) and not texting me. but i guess i cant really bother that much.
but i know that if i wanna meet him, he will squeeze time out for me.
what else do i want.
i just want him to love me as much as he can.
and i will do the same.

I thought I only have to make one decision - break up.
But it end up I have to make another decision - move on.

I always thought it is easy to move on if I'm the one initiate the breakup. Apparently it is not. It is not this time. I thought the worst case I ever met is JJ. But no. Martin is even harder. Is the feeling when we were tgt, just like a family. I can totally be me in front of him. Totally. This means my vuglars,craziness, everything. He might not be the ideal bf, but somehow, I don't mind all these. Damn me. Seriously.

Idk love is blind until I met you.

I can say thousands of bad things about you. But I still love you and I can't deny that. Hais..

你是否和我一样的思念着你。你是否舍不得我。你是否希望我在你身边陪伴你做任何事情，你是否后悔大声对我说话。有太多的是否在我头脑打转。

我想你，我也爱你。但是，相爱容易相处难。你的死要面子，你放不下的尊严往往成为我们之间的障碍。虽然短短两个月，我能感受到你的不安。你并没有完完全全的付出，你并没有对我有百分百的信任，你对这份感情有所保留。但，我何必和一个受过爱情伤害的人计较这些呢？我能做的，只有让你感受到我百分百的爱。但是，你缺乏对我的热情渐渐让我感到不安。我害怕你感受不到我的爱，我害怕你心里没有我，我害怕我不重要，其实，更害怕的是失去你。这次分手，算是做个决定，也算是一个考验。我会提出分手也是因为你两天不在乎的态度让我太痛心了。明明是你犯错，你却理直气壮的说些气人的话，好像是我自己欠骂。如果第一个简讯是以亏欠的态度道歉，我就不计较。但是偏偏就不是，反而像是怪我似的。我说这是一个考验是因为，如果你回光返照，肯放下你的自尊向我深深的表示歉意，我想，我们之间再也没有什么障碍。但是，我心里有数，知道那是不可能的。

唉！难道，要找到一个百分百爱我，我也百分百爱他的人，真的那么难？

Yes it is depressing, depressing to see someone you love choose to keep his pride over you.
Yes I can always give in and be back together..but what's the point if you are not even worth him to sacrifice his pride a lil? Martin Chua, you really disappoint me.
Is it so hard to apologize after you did something wrong. I'm more on disappointed than pissed. Telling your friends I'm the best, I'm glad, really. But do you mean what you say? I have given enough chance to let you hold me back. But u didn't even try a lil. Damn. You can't find a better one than me, for sure.